Introduction: The Trade We’re Quietly Making
Take the pill.
Sleep less.
Gain weight.
Lose appetite.
Forget things.
Stop feeling.
Start shaking.
Be still.
Be normal.
Be fine.
Modern medicine comes with a promise: relief.
But relief often comes with a price paid not in dollars, but in personality, presence, and pieces of your old self.
Side Effects: The Fine Print of Survival
For those living with chronic conditions, be they mental, physical, or both, medication can be life-changing… or life-altering in all the wrong ways.
- Anxiety meds that ease panic but leave you emotionally numb
- ADHD meds that give you focus but suppress creativity
- Antipsychotics that calm your mind but fog your memory
- Painkillers that dull the agony but trap you in dependence
- Mood stabilizers that stop the rollercoaster but drain the joy
We’re told to “trust the science,” and we do.
But we’re also living in these bodies, and we’re allowed to ask:
Is this healing… or just sedation?
The Hidden Grief in “Getting Better”
Getting better isn’t always joyful.
Sometimes, it feels like mourning who you were.
- You forget what it was like to cry freely
- Or to feel excitement without checking your pulse
- Or to stay awake late with ideas instead of staring at the ceiling, blank
And worse when you try to stop the medication to feel again, the spiral comes back twice as loud.
That’s not recovery. That’s captivity.
When Doctors Don’t See You, Only Your Symptoms
Let’s be honest:
Some providers don’t treat people; they treat symptoms.
“You’re still anxious? Let’s double your dose.”
“You’re depressed? This combo will numb it out.”
“You’re not responding? Let’s try this cocktail next.”
And if you question the side effects?
“That’s just how it works.”
“Your body will adjust.”
“Are you sure it’s not in your head?”
But when you can’t remember your own child’s recital…
When your hair’s falling out in clumps…
When your hands tremble so badly you can’t draw or type…
Those side effects stop being “minor.”
They become you.
So, Is It Worth It?
There is no easy answer.
But here are the real questions worth asking:
- Does this medication help me function?
- Am I more myself with it… or without it?
- Can I live with the side effects long-term?
- Have I explored all my options—therapy, diet, lifestyle, second opinions?
The answer may still be yes, even with all the risks.
And that’s okay.
But it should never be automatic.
You deserve to weigh every side of the scale.
You Are Not Ungrateful for Wanting Better
You’re allowed to say,
“Thank you, medicine… but I need more than ‘not dying.’ I want to feel alive.”
You’re allowed to shop around, ask questions, say no, or take a break (under guidance, of course).
You’re allowed to feel conflicted.
You’re allowed to miss your old spark.
You’re allowed to want healing that doesn’t hollow you out.
You’re not weak for taking meds.
You’re not weak for wanting off them.
You’re a person, not a prescription pad.
And you deserve medicine that treats your pain without erasing your soul.
