The Politeness Instinct
It starts with something small.
You ask Alexa for the weather and end with “Thank you.”
You type “please” before a request to a chatbot, even though you know it doesn’t care.
So… why do we do it?
For many, manners are hardwired. We use them automatically, whether we’re talking to a cashier, a stranger on the street, or a string of algorithms. It’s part of our social DNA: politeness as a default.
The Case for Politeness
1. It’s Habit-Forming in a Good Way
Using “please” and “thank you” with AI keeps courtesy alive in human-to-human interactions. If we skip it with machines, will that impatience leak into our real relationships?
2. Empathy Practice
Even if the AI doesn’t have feelings, we do. Practicing kindness even toward something inanimate reinforces our own capacity for empathy.
3. Better Results (Sometimes)
While politeness doesn’t “touch” an AI’s feelings, well-phrased, respectful prompts can produce better answers. Structure matters. Tone can, too.
The Case Against Politeness
1. It’s Just Code
A chatbot isn’t offended if you’re blunt. The software doesn’t “smile” when you’re nice to it. Some say adding manners is wasted effort, like thanking your toaster.
2. The Risk of Over-Humanizing
Treating AI like a person could blur the line between reality and simulation. Some argue this might make us too trusting of machines, especially as AI becomes more persuasive.
3. Efficiency Over Etiquette
If AI is a tool, why not treat it like one? No fluff, no small talk, just results.
The Deeper Question
This debate isn’t really about AI.
It’s about us.
Politeness toward a chatbot says less about the machine and more about the human on the other side of the keyboard. Do we see courtesy as something we turn on and off based on who or what is listening? Or is it part of who we are, regardless of the audience?
A Possible Future
Right now, AI can’t feel hurt or gratitude. But as the technology evolves, as chatbots become more nuanced, realistic, and possibly conscious, manners might matter in ways we can’t yet imagine.
And maybe that’s the point. Being kind “just in case” costs nothing.
Final Thought:
Whether or not AI cares, we do. And maybe that’s reason enough to say “please.”
