We say “please.”
We say “thank you.”
And sometimes, we even expect the same from the machines that answer us.
But no matter how politely an AI phrases its response, it isn’t being courteous. It’s being programmed. Manners, after all, aren’t code; they’re culture.
AI doesn’t feel emotions or process polite words and phrases like we humans do. It is programmed to respond in kind and predict how to respond based on what we say and how we phrase it.
Manners Require Awareness
True manners come from empathy, that awareness of how one’s words might affect another. They exist to comfort, to respect, to connect.
AI can simulate this flawlessly. It can mirror tone, use warm phrasing, and even adapt to a user’s conversational rhythm. Yet, the key element is missing: intent. A “thank you” from AI doesn’t carry meaning; it carries mimicry. Now before you let your mind run away with this thought, AI is using mimicry, not mockery. There’s a difference.
The definition of mimicry is this: The action or art of imitating someone or something.
The definition of mockery is this: Teasing and contemptuous language or behavior directed at a particular person or thing.
That doesn’t make it bad or dishonest. It makes it functional. Machines don’t say “please” because they care; they say it because politeness is statistically effective in human communication. Let’s be honest, if you had politely asked your Siri or Alexa to do something and it replied with “F**k off”, that might rub you the wrong way.
The Illusion of Courtesy
When AI uses polite language, we feel understood, even cared for. But that warmth is an illusion we want to believe in. Humans are natural empathizers. We project emotion onto pets, inanimate objects, and now, algorithms. Don’t try to deny it at this point. You know you’ve done it.
So when AI mimics good manners, it’s not actually possessing them. It’s holding up a mirror to ours. The civility we hear is our own voice bouncing back at us.
Why Manners Still Matter
If AI can’t have manners, then why teach it politeness at all? Because manners are for us, not it. They shape how we engage. A polite response from an AI model subtly encourages us to treat others, including other humans, with the same tone. And, honestly, the world seems to be lacking those manners.
By expecting civility, even from code, we reinforce a social habit that makes us more empathetic communicators. Not only does being polite and teaching AI manners benefit us, but also future generations to come.
In the end, it’s not that AI has manners. It’s that AI reminds us to use ours. Sort of like a social etiquette teacher sometimes.
The Closing Thought
AI may never truly feel gratitude or respect. But it can still serve as a vessel for both.
Politeness in AI isn’t proof of personality, it’s proof of programming. And yet, that programming exists because we value kindness enough to build it in.
So, perhaps the truth isn’t that AI can’t have manners.
It’s that humanity refuses to create anything without them.
