Author: Dr. William Foote
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Ask Not What Your Womb Can Do For You, But Ask What Your Womb Can Do For Your Country
An all-American mom and her ideal American children. Under new Republican plans, this woman would lease her womb to the goodwill of her nation and keep creating these cherubs. The father, standing proud, would get $50,000 to spend on whatever his family may need (new munitions for the home front, food for the woman to… Read more
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The Perils of Pokémon Pandering: How Pocket Demons Are Grooming a Generation of Tiger Kings
There was a time, not long ago, when American boys dreamed of becoming astronauts, firefighters, or morally upright accountants. Today? They aspire to become wandering exotic animal hoarders with emotionally unstable hairstyles and gym badges. The culprit? A Japanese brainwashing tool called Pokémon—or as I like to call it, “Satan’s Safari.” Let’s be clear: Pokémon… Read more
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If Strong-Wombed American Women Refuse the $5000 Baby Bonus, Should They Be Deported to El Salvador?
Friends. Patriots. Women of fertility and men who know how to mow their own lawns—We are standing at the precipice of American collapse. And it is not being caused by TikTok, oat milk, or jazz-fusion worship music (though I still oppose all three). No, this crisis comes from an even darker corner: Wombs. That. Won’t.… Read more
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The Death of Disney’s Purity: Rachel Zegler, the 7 Dwarves, and the Glittering Descent into a Queer Forest of Confusion
Editor’s Note: The following article is a guest opinion submitted by Dr. Foote, who previously brought us such insightful exposés as “The Perils of Pokémon Pandering” and “Justin Bieber and the Satanic Gravy Train.” As always, we welcome spirited debate, provided it remains God-fearing and denim-free. Friends, patriots, parental units and seekers of truth, I… Read more