Many men don’t know this, but boudoir is the French word for ‘chubby photos of seduction.’ And with the holiday of love coming around, many photographers are preparing to trick women and impressively out of shape housewives into spending a small fortune on this photographic money-grabbing scheme.
Post-holiday season and New Year, for years it was tradition that women would vow to ‘never eat like that again’ and make New Year’s Resolution to get their firm pre-baby bodies back. And they would gladly welcome the new treadmill or gym membership gifted by their S.O.
Now, there is a new player in town, preempting the distinct promise of toned tummies and tight thighs being part of the marital bedroom. Alas, it is an attack from French origin of all places and the old artform being wrought upon humanity is ‘boudoir photography.’
In France, boudoir means la petite chambre secrète d’une femme faite de photos de séduction potelée, which roughly translates to ‘Chubby Photos of Seduction’ by the community insiders.
Photographers are currently running Facebook and Instagram pages, using the algorithms to seek out women who are not feeling body confident. They then convince these women that the only way to feel great is to use enough toga wrapped sheet to make the Greek and Egyptians dizzy with the confusing ‘concealing’ wraps to make the ‘little ladies’ and ‘tummy mush region’ all concealed and spicy.
It’s all a ruse to talk women into giving $1000s of dollars for these scandalous pictures.
This holiday, do yourself a favor and preempt all the nonsense.
If you are dating or have a wife, make sure she knows she looks good to you as is. Sure, she may have put on a few pounds and she saw right through the ‘spa gym’ membership you gifted her. Don’t forget, genes likely are going to have you balding, growing hair from your ears and recharming the snake takes 4 hours minimum after a session. There’s gives and takes to all of this.
Alas, here is what one does. Slap her butt, ask her to grab you a beer and get her an extra fat steak to share along yours at the butcher. If you have kids, be happy someone found you tolerable enough to look at your John Mayer hopping mushrooms and freestyling O Face while you dropped your swimmers in a place to grow for 9 months. If she’s good to you, be good to her.
And if you do get the photos, make sure it doesn’t happen again with a good rant about the cost, how going to the gym is cheaper, the sheet concealment techniques are convincing as a toupee and that they were not done by some guy named Julio. Because if so, that is a whole other ballgame and article of Why is My Wife Cheating?
