It recently fell to my attention that there is a general ‘consensus’ spreading within the lesser Western countries that America is not running the show on a global scale. The sheer hubris notwithstanding, it seems that worldwide there are rebellious nations that scoff at America rebranding the the Gulf of Mexico to correctly read ‘The Gulf of America’ on official maps. Sassy women in Mexico are actually suing America over it and ignoring the Doctrine of Manifest Destiny. There are Canadians and Greenlanders who still scoff at the notion that they are already drafted to be new beautiful states.

And perhaps the most egregious finding is that despite America’s status as world savior, there are those who still believe the language of dominance is called ‘English’, not, ‘American’.

This mistruth sits so sour within me that I had no choice but to pen what should be obvious: the universal language is called American. Sure, there are dialects of it (id est, The ‘Queen’s English’, Ebonics, Australian and whatever mess they speak in Manchester) that are recognized on a global scale, but these variants are archaic and need to be reverent.

Here is the history, the etymology, of the most powerful and commanding language of the universe. Pay attention.

In 1945, the world was in peril. The Western nations were at war. There was no guiding light. From the muck and the mire, there arose one civilized people and voice: American.

In these modern times, people are quick to try to take America’s credit. But we are fixing that. The true lesson of the war is found in the The Bretton Woods Agreement of 1944. In this agreement, all nations bowed to American might. The United States Dollar (USD) was set as the currency of the civilized world. The World Bank was established. And the official language of that bank: American.

Let’s be clear: the language I speak is not “European.” It’s American. The way the world recognized it was to be in 1944.

Before the year 1944, on a global stage English was not strong and dominant. When the League of Nations heard the language being used, they did not think ‘daddy’s home, I better shoosh’. They were rebellious and child-like, feisty and flagrant. That is why before America took full ownership of the language that we had to suffer two catastrophic global wars.

Bonus Foote Notes for this Lesson:

Historical Fact #1: The Queen’s English Does Not Connect to the Common Man

When you see words like “Colour” or “Theatre” or “Catsup”, you feel you are being slighted. When a woman calls herself a ‘dame’ and says she wants to ‘canoodle’, you feel yourself being degraded. That is because these words are built on pomp. Color, theater, ketchup. Say it, you feel the grit of the common man.

Historical Fact #2: Might Makes Right

America saved the world in World War 2. As such, America is free to redraw boundaries, take whatever lands and name bodies of water in our language.

On last week’s Foote Notes podcast, we entertained a question from an audience member. “If 100 British decided to take on 100 Americans, pound for pound, who would come out on top?”

The conclusion was easy. The question was asked back in 1776. Legions of British soldiers, even armed with fancy bayonets and battle theme music, bowed before American might. Their Lord Cornwallis ducked tail and fled back to whence they came when a few good ol’ boys from America rounded themselves, kicked back a few cold brews and beat the snot out of the ‘British army.’

Even when the British tried to invade again in 1812, turning the Canadians against America, it was the same result. And again in the 1960s, trying to hide their domineering ways behind the moptop invasion of The Beetles they were felled once more.

And even now, they send over their Prince Harry to do recon (Prince Harry) and trying to create secret birthright offspring to one day take the US Presidency, but again their nefarious machinations cannot take hold.

But I digress. The language is American.