Introduction: Respect Doesn’t Mean Approval
We all know someone who has stumbled, sometimes in small ways, sometimes in ways that echo for years to come. Whether it’s a relative who burned bridges, a friend who made poor choices, or even ourselves, mistakes don’t disappear just because time passes.
But here’s the truth: how we speak to people matters, regardless of what they’ve done before. Respect doesn’t erase accountability, but it does build the foundation for healing, understanding, and even growth. Because those people in our lives who have made mistakes, regardless of how big or small, are still people too.
Why Respect Is Not Excusing
One of the most challenging lessons is distinguishing between respect and approval.
- Respect means you treat the person as human, deserving of dignity.
- Approval means you agree with or condone their actions.
You can refuse to excuse harmful behavior while still speaking in a way that doesn’t strip the other person of humanity.
Practical Ways to Talk Respectfully
- Use Neutral, Not Loaded, Language
- Avoid insults, even subtle ones.
- Replace “You always mess up” with “I’d like us to do this differently next time.”
- Acknowledge Their Past Without Defining Them By It
- Mistakes may shape them, but they don’t have to be their entire identity.
- Try: “I know you’ve struggled with this before, but I see you trying now.”
- Set Boundaries With Kindness
- Respect also means respecting yourself, which can be difficult at times.
- Use firm but kind phrases like: “I want to be here for you, but I can’t if this behavior continues.”
- Listen First, Speak Second
- Let them share their perspective without tearing them down and ripping out their heart.
- Sometimes respect is found in simply giving someone space to be heard genuinely.
- Focus on Present and Future, Not Just the Past
- Mistakes should be acknowledged, but constant reminders only reopen wounds. The past stays in the past.
- Aim your words toward growth: “How can we do better moving forward?”
Why This Matters
Because words linger. People who carry shame often already know what they’ve done wrong. What they don’t know is if they’re still worthy of respect. If they are constantly hounded and reminded of what they’ve done, then progress will never be made. They’ll eventually cave in, withdraw, or even develop a depression that can be extremely difficult to crawl out of.
Speaking respectfully, even to someone who has faltered, creates space for change. Disrespect only deepens the cycle of defensiveness, guilt, and anger. And, if they’re constantly reminded of what they’ve done, then change and progress both will either go backwards or not even happen. Reach an agreement to progress and leave it at that.
Final Thought: Leading With Dignity
Everyone has a past. Some mistakes are heavier than others, yes, but respect is the tool that says, “I see you as human, not as a failure.”
Talking with dignity doesn’t erase the harm that was done. It doesn’t force you to forget. But it does leave the door cracked open for accountability, forgiveness, and most importantly, hope. Just remember that you can always be the bigger, kinder, and forgiving person.
