The Silent Rankings Begin
Let’s be honest. Every Halloween, we don’t just collect candy, we collect data. We’re walking spreadsheets in costumes, keeping mental notes: “This house gives out full-size Snickers; they’re legends. That one? Raisins. They’re dead to me.”
It’s the unspoken rule of trick-or-treating: the candy you give defines your place in the neighborhood hierarchy.
Don’t act like you have done it. I’ve done it and have no regrets about judging houses on what candy they gave out. Everyone at some point in their childhood has judged, mentally prepared, and routed out which houses to go to and which ones to skip altogether.
Tier 1: The Heroes (Full-Size Bars)
They don’t just hand out candy; they hand out respect. These households are whispered about like urban legends: “Did you hear they’ve got full-size Kit Kats this year?” Kids plan routes around them. Parents sneak an extra piece (for safety testing, of course).
These are rarer these days with tariff prices and costs of other materials. So if you come across one of these houses with the King-sized candy bars, you have discovered a true diamond in the rough.
Tier 2: The Dependables (Mini Candy Bars & Good Mixes)
Fun-size chocolate bars, Skittles, and Starburst are reliable and beloved. They’re not extravagant, but no one complains. These homes are the backbone of Halloween, the 9-to-5 workers of the candy world.
These are also the most commonly found and affordable candies to get. But even now, with prices skyrocketing, they may become fewer in a bag and at a higher price.
Tier 3: The Questionables (Off-Brand Candy)
Generic taffy, weird peanut butter chews in plain wrappers, these raise suspicion. Kids will pocket them but quietly swap them later in the “trading economy.” Everyone wonders: “Do these even have a brand name?”
These are definitely odd, but not completely discarded. And they help teach other kids, per the trading ritual, that these are “okay” but not the bottom of the barrel.
Tier 4: The Betrayers (Healthy Snacks)
We see you, granola bar givers. We see you, apple pushers. Yes, we respect health, but this is Halloween. A Nutri-Grain bar is just a wrapped-up letdown. And raisins? Pure treachery.
The last thing you want to do is make a kid sad on Halloween. C’mon now.
Tier 5: The Legends for the Wrong Reasons
Pennies (Yes, pennies), toothbrushes, coupons. The houses you remember forever, but not fondly. The “Karen” houses. These handouts spark a thousand playground rants the next morning.
These houses should just turn out the porch light if you’re going to hand these out. Shame on you.
Why It Matters (Even If It Shouldn’t)
Of course, candy doesn’t define character. But traditions like these are about more than sugar. They’re about neighborhood reputation, shared jokes, and a little bit of childish magic. Kids remember this kind of stuff. They remember that one Halloween when they were given three King-sized candy bars. That is the kind of memory that lives on forever.
Handing out good candy feels like playing your part in the grand ritual of Halloween. We laugh, we judge, but deep down, it’s all part of what makes October 31st so deliciously fun.
Final Thought
So, do we secretly judge people by their Halloween handouts? Absolutely. And that’s part of the fun. After all, no one forgets the house that gave out a toothbrush. Or the one house that gave out King-sized Reese’s Cups.
